Avoiding Guilt as a Motivation for Altruism

How we stop feeling sorry for ourselves.

All too often advertisements and appeals from well intended nonprofits are designed to inspire sympathy and guilt in viewers. They are meant to provoke a discomfort and sense of guilty obligation.

Guilt is a legitimate feeling, but to remain in that state of mind can turn into paralysis, one in which we feel overwhelmed by the problem before us. This paralysis reflects, ironically, an ego-centered mindset, as we are turned inward and focused on our inadequacies and guilt.

We have to move from inward confession towards outward action. And that begins not by focusing on our inadequacies, but on those whom we are called to help. George Kunz writes this (paraphrased):

“The face of others have not only exposed my guilt and allowed me to unburden myself with a confession, but also appeal to me to go beyond my guilt, to get outside of my own wretchedness, to stop feeling sorry for my selfish self, and to do something.”

Kunz’s words echoes Paul’s writing in Second Corinthians: “Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation without regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.” Godly sorrow invigorates people into action, whereas worldly sorrow — or self-focused guilt — eats us up on the inside. Kunz writes, “rather than demanding that I crawl back into my hole and cover my head with the sackcloth of shame for my sins, the face of [others] calls me out of my concern for self, back to responsibility. My freedom is returned to me.”

The last sentence is key. If we are truly attentive to others, then we will become less concerned with our abilities or lack thereof, but more focused on our responsibility to do whatever we can. The “face of the others,” if we are indeed open to receiving it, inspires freedom, not paralysis. A freedom to choose to uphold our responsibility. A freedom that is indeed empowering.

written with sarah » »

[excerpts taken from George Kunz: Paradox of Power and Weakness]